“But curb thou the high spirit in thy breast, for gentle ways are best, and keep aloof from sharp contentions.” -Homer

“Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame.” -Bertrand Russell

A horrible way to commit suicide. It’s just not worth it.

Another reason to avoid McDonalds.

WTF photos that demands explanation.

Cracked breaks down Back to the Future problems like the Zapruder film.

Well played Cup-o-Noodle

7 items that tell people you’re a douche.

Super Mario Bros classed up.

Dog vs vuvuzela

7 classic Disney movies based on R-Rated stories.

No one makes Christians look worse than Christians.

6 things from history everyone pictures incorrectly

I was at dinner with my 7 year old nephew last night and he was asking me questions about a video game called God of War.   “When did Zeus turn evil?” he wondered.  I tried to explain to him that sometimes good people do bad things and vice versa.  Then I posed, “If a person treats his family well is he a good person? (him nodding) What if that person is mean to everyone else though? (puzzled look)”  I’m not sure if a boy that age could understand the nuances of moral ambiguity.  But then I thought it would have been easier if I just had him watch LeBron’s masturbatory special “The Decision” (btw masquerading it as syngeristic charity for The Boys and Girls Club was putting a dollop of whip cream on on a turd pie).  My first reaction, since I’m so removed from the slow death it is to be a Cleveland sports fan or just living in Cleveland, was that he gave them 7 great years already and he was ready to move on.  But if Hakeem had left Houston with a narcissistic tv special while referring to himself in the 3rd person 5 times before 1994 to join Patrick E-wing and the Knicks then maybe I would’ve staged my own LeBronfires.  Now having a little more perspective I feel ESPN could’ve skipped their 60 minute gang bang of Cleveland and just looped  this video clip.  Here are a few of my favorite fan reactions:

“Closest example to what LeBron did with Cleveland: Instead of proposing to your girlfriend, dumping your wife on the Jumbotron. At the Super Bowl.”

“Imagine you’re an average dude in high school. Somehow, you begin dating the hottest girl in school. It goes good not great, but hey, she’s beautiful and you aren’t really going to complain. Senior year, she breaks up with you and begins dating the new quarterback that just transferred into the school. Except she did this on stage at the homecoming coronation, embarrassing you in front of the whole school. This is what LeBron did to the city of Cleveland.”

“My wife could sleep with my father and I wouldn’t feel this betrayed.”

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” -Mark Twain

“The love of glory, the fear of disgrace, the incentive to succeed, the desire to live in comfort, and the instinct to humiliate others are often the cause of that courage so renowned among men”  -François de la Rochefoucauld

Faith Hill photoshopped.

Volcanic lightening

It’s sinsational.

5 ridiculous gun myths everyone believes (thanks to movies)

The 10 most important things they didn’t teach you in school

What it’s like to own an Apple product

The three most common uses of irony

What happens to your body when you drink a Coke

“The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable.  What he wants above everything else is safety.” -Henry Mencken

The power of makeup.

Girls drivers, not a stereotype.

How low are these prices?

I’m sure it was just an innocent typo.

“Guarantee your good name.”

“Die magical water snake!”

What your email address says about you.

Pictures caught at the right moment.

Ways to be cool.

What princesses can teach us.

Someone key this immediately.

The male angler fish is boned.

Don’t do drugs!

It’s the same old news.

The sad reality of Ronald McDonald.