Like a crotchety old man who is yelling at the tv because there are no more new episodes of JAG, I’ve resisted all this new fangled internet technology.  I still run a version of Dreamweaver that says 1998 on the box.  The new stuff is better, stronger, faster.  My problem is that to get to the good stuff I have to learn a bunch of new crap.  I’m the same guy who is so lazy, I will only go to the bank once I’ve received 6 paychecks.  This is why I’ve never had sex.  The thought of a making a healthy relationship work makes me want to climb in bed.

But all of my clients want content managed sites, and the classic static sites are going the way of newspapers, self-respect and decency.  So this is my first attempt at using Wordpress.  CSS has been a b*tch to learn, and I really can’t code, unless you count trial and error for hours until I want to stick my head in the oven as coding.

I couldn’t figure out how to redo the site offline and then flip it online.  So unfortunately I’ll be rolling out my old content piecemeal while adding new stuff.  I plan on re-writing most of it as well.  I’m also the guy who loves to re-watch everything – I just finished my 6th viewing of the heart-felt Battlestar Galactica finale- and my opinions change over time so I may have a few new things to say especially when shows like Heroes and Prison Break go from gold to turd.

“Goonies never say die!”

“You can always count on someone trying to f$%@ you when you’re down.”

Check out the bathtub.

For those of you who don’t get Twitter, here’s a cartoon.

Wow, these Nigerian scammers have gotten so ballsy they don’t even bother with denials.

6 Reasons North Korea is the Funniest Evil

Here are great photos of the abandoned wasteland of Chernobyl.

“Porn sting goes to the dogs” or “Alcohol is the fancypants name for Crazy Ass Juice.”

Citibank is in need of rebranding starting with this news anchor.

Graffition the loose.

I always love me a good deal.

American Double Decker.

Don’t skimp on the most important meal of the day; especially if you operate heavy machinery.

Scenes from a Recession.

Alley-oops.

Time to go wireless.

Check out these mellons.

Vigilantism internet style.

“Sacred cupcakes make the best hamburger.”

“Lightning is just God’s way of goosing Mother Earth. That or tazing.”

“Look, I’m all for sushi, but see-thru-shi?”

Awww, wook at da cuddly wuddle bears, OH GOD KILL THEM KILL THEM!

Darwin doesn’t account for this. But maybe he does explain this.

In other news, 00.1% of population die under mysterious circumstances. By mysterious circumstances, I mean probably executed.

So apparently there was a nuclear apocalypse in Detroit but no one noticed.

The title for the next Nic Cage movie should just be called, Nic Cage: I Don’t Give a F***. For a deeper look into his lack of a f***…

This combo goes together like peanut butter and jelly or cancer and head scarfs, or jelly and cancer.

This bathroom doesn’t help if you already suffer from stage fright.

Fantasy football goes extreme.

Rare blue ducks will go extinct because the last two males decided to be gay for each other.

The point is is that too much with the is.

Oh to be in college again, hanging out in the Quad and being this guy.

Tonight you will pretend to be my prom date while I stroke my pet cat. Yeess.

Marco? Polo.

The next logical step in the escalating car campaign wars.

Me thinks this be a might effective crime deterrent.

I don’t want to think about the girls you’d meet at this hot new bar.

“I’m the best at what I do, bub.”

“I wish I had a chance to know that Jean-Luc Picard.”