As fantastic as the Internet era which has birthed so many indespensible technologies, every once in an inevitible dookie is crapped out. I’m turning my nose at Twitter. The inexplicably popular trend that needs to be taken out back and severely beaten with a tire iron. It joins the car that has doors which double for ice chests and these guys on the short bus to an evolutionary dead end.

The novelty of Twitter is real time updates, in case those edge-of-your-seat Facebook updates weren’t immediately gratifying enough. Somehow people have begun to think inane content, as long as it’s delivered quicky, is a good thing. But that’s like saying diarhea is better than a normal sh*t. By people I mean those we have entrusted our country to who ask us that if not paying attention to the President during his address in these dire times is important, then why do it in school? But then again the world would have missed out on gems like Rep Joe Barton’s, “The Aggie Basketball game is about to start on ESPN2.” The founding fathers would be so proud, if pride was measured by anal hemorrhaging.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that people are interested in reading about your trite and mundane ramblings? I mean it’s not like a blog…

So what is the opposite of a Tweet? I’m thinking something like ‘Blarg.’ So here is my first Blarg post, and let’s cross our fingers that it will catch fire and people will starting blargging during job interviews or their children’s school recitals.

op-ti-mism
def: see below

The science is too convincing. I’m swearing off beer.

Epic prank thanks to an arena of fans.

WWII for kids.

Great ad campaign. But it’s still just putting a bow on top of a turd sandwich.

This dog’s dreams come crashing into reality.

Stripper Putting Herself Through Life

Here is a glimpse of Microsoft’s vision of the future.

Quick downloading question.

I guess there are worse ways to die.

The true stories behind WTF images.

New Jersey horribly has a new export: Swedos.

7 Insane Military Attempts To Weaponize Animals

Wait, we’ve been giving billions to banks that didn’t even ask for it?

The worst types of fanboys.

Diabolical fish that want to consume your soul.

The cost of 3 eggs in Zimbawe. I guess we know where Dr. Evil got his financial sensibilities.

How The Frat Guy’s Mind Works

Hubris for Dummies.

No harness, no chalk, no gear, no problem.

Maybe extra strength is a bit much.

9 Child Prodigies Who Are Clearly Dangerous Mutants

What do you think the Philipinos did after they found this ultra-rare bird? Cook and eat it of course.

Inspired by a buddy of mine I’ve been trying an experiment: only flush when you’ve just won the Super Bowl with the Browns. I think the purpose is to see if I save any money on water, I’m not quite sure. But you know how something like a familiar tune can suddenly trigger a gush of memories? At the end of the day when I stand over that Bud Light filled toilet, all I can think about is China. For all of the innumerable problems with it that I’ve tried my best to numerate, it may have been a toilet bowl of standing urine, but it was my toilet bowl…my toilet bowl.