The swine flu epidemic is nearing fever pitch here.  A couple days ago there was one reported case and the government locked down the hotel Patient Zero was at like there was a hostage situation.  I suspect the if any of the guests try to poke their heads out they can expect a snipe bullet between the teeth.

Today I noticed that at subway stations they are playing announcements that basically imply if you cough that you are most likely infected.  I’m worried that my allergies will get me stoned to death.  I think we are one person sneezing in an elevator before mass hysteria and civilization collapses like a dying star.

On tv the only thing running is coverage about the flu.  A nuke could go off in Korea and I don’t think it would get any play.  An official got on air and implored that the cab driver of the infected person come forward because all the government cares about is his health, and I have to believe this was a slip, “and we will cause you inconvenience.”  My guess is the reason why the driver hasn’t made the call is because he is envisioning this.

I always complain about how lame married life must be and extol the refreshing freedom of being single (imagine a woman dancing on the beach after inserting the newest break through in tampon technology).  But the reality is I rarely go out or do the things that make being single so great, so I decided to go back to Hong Kong and see my grandparents.

If you have to make an overseas flight, Continental destroys AA and United. They now have over 600 movies and tv shows on demand. It’s fabulous. I squeezed off Quantum of Solace (edited with a hacksaw), Curse of the Golden Flower (tragic in the Chinese film tradition), and Fight Club (still a top 10 movie for me). Even though international travel has come a long ways, you are still essentially in a flying prison.

Here is my latest gripe about the TSA. I heard an announcement that says if you make ‘inappropriate’ jokes about them, it’s grounds for being arrested. What…the…f*ck? Those douches already masturbate every dribble of power to compensate for their miserable lives, and now that have a blank check to take it another level. And that’s on top them stealing every thing out of your suitcases without any recourse. It makes me so mad that I get constipated thinking about it.

The big new is swine flu.  Hong Kong has raised their threat level to DEFCON 30 and have been cleaning obsessively like everyone is on meth. Every two hours they disenfect door handles, elevator buttons, and even floor mats.  Everyone is wearing SARS masks.  it feels like a cross between a dentist and ninja convention.  This morning my mom ordered pigs blood for breakfast. I told her that was the equivalent of being too scared to step in a cab or 7-11 for fear of Arab terrorists, but then vacationing in Iraq. Her response was, “but some people don’t mind going to Iraq.”