My 20 year old cousin has been staying with us in Hong Kong. I had this exchange with her the other night:

Me: So do you keep in touch with your cousin?

Her: Not really. Only when I’m in Hong Kong. She’s thirtysomething. I don’t think she even has a facebook page.

Me: Thirtysomething?

Her: Yeah that’s old.

Me: I’m thirtysomething.

Her: I know. You’re old.

Me: (sobbing quietly in the bathroom)

I’ve spent so much time cruising the glitzy parts of Hong Kong that I’ve memorized the locations of most of the major billboards in the city. So I decided to see the less traveled parts of the country- the parts that you don’t see in a Fodors or Lonely Planet travel book. Today I rode a bus to Tai Po. If you sprayed some urine and sewage on the roads and replaced the blue skies with yellow Beijing “fog,” I’d swear it was China circa right this minute. When I got off I wasn’t initially impressed and told myself that I’d walk around and get back on the bus in 5 minutes. But then I stumbled upon a spectacular harbor park. A few pics first and then a quick story.

the obligatory shot of flowers and mountains

deep as in elbow high

ho artistic

this spiral tower sprang out of nowhere

almost to the top…

…and, I’m spent

the view from the top

all these dishes and still no HD signals

The story: I ran out of space on my camera so I sat down on a bench to delete some pictures. After about 20 seconds my legs started to burn.  I looked down and saw them blanketed with what I thought were little black gnats. Wrong. They were dozens of hopped up viagra mosquitoes that got their motherf***ing rape on.  I thought about posting a photo but it’s pretty gruesome. I have north of 110 bites. If you are really curious just google “radiation burns” and you’ll get the idea. Then a short while later I saw this:

in a word: fuuuuuuuuuu*k

As I type this I can feel the Dengue coursing through my veins granting me strange and wondrous powers. I expect that in the next 72 hours I’ll either become a crime fighting super hero or just think I am from the encephalitis induced insanity.

On the way to having lunch at Victoria’s Peak we saw this spa called Wonderfish.  You sit on the edge of a tub filled with hundreds of Garra Rufa fish for 30 minutes as they nibble away at the dead skin from your feet and hands.  For the first few minutes it’s extremely ticklish and a very odd experience watching fish feast away on you. In the end you feel baby skin soft.

Unlearn all that you have learned. Everything that you knew to be real is fake- tv, movies, the moon landing, H1N1, breasts.  The only thing that you can trust is that you will grow old and you will die…and you look utterly ridiculous singing in the car.

I like being alone but not necessarily solitude. When your only human interaction is with sitcoms and dramas your grip on reality begins to slide away.  Soon you think that any dilemma can be hilariously solved in 22 minutes and you begin to expect to see a murder or death ever 45.  One of the huge upsides of Hong Kong to me is how easily you can get lost in a crowd; to brush up against thousands of people and remain completely anonymous.  I’ve started taking to riding the local buses.  My favorite are the ding ding ches (electric trams named for their ringing bells).  For 25 cents I can crisscross through the hearts of the busiest avenues of the city for hours watching people rush around as if they were fleeing from the scene of a crime. Sometimes it’s not so great because it can become unbearably humid in these open air cabins and you have to deal with an armpit to the face.  My highlight the other day was spying some guy very openly checking out two school girls (It wasn’t me I swear.  I’m much more discreet).

I rode the Ngong Ping 360 cable car the other day. Incidentally on the busiest day of the month, which lead to internal combustion and seething in line. For extra you can cruise in a clear bottom car and watch people make the hike to the peak where a huge Buddha surveys the mountain top. I got a laugh out of foreign women choosing style over practicality as they struggled to negotiate the several hundred step climb in dresses and heels. I saw an old woman going down backwards apparently out of fear of heights. She reminded me of a person thrashing in the water until they realize they can just stand up because she was only one flight from the ground level. You can enter the base of the buddha, which is a shrine for the departed. There were signs requesting silence and no cameras to preserve the sanctity of the holy place.  So I couldn’t take any pictures of the five souvenir shops.

tourist traps under construction, we appreciate your patience

spot the fashionista

I stuck my head out the window and snapped this before taking a wizz (with a little tilt shift magic).

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