4.27.2007
TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA (PT 2 of 3) //
Last week I got to visit two of the major film trailer production houses. I saw some cool stuff like raw cuts of the new Harry Potter movie, the Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and Aragon's sword from The Lord of the Rings. I also heard some interesting stories from the lighting guy who just worked on Rush Hour 3 ("Everything Chris Tucker says is funny.") and Spiderman 3 ("Toby Maguire is a really goofy looking guy but Kirsten Dunst has a great body."). But overall I have to say that this experience on this shoot has really turned me off to the entire film industry.

Making movies still seems really cool, except for the part where you have to work with the people. I found it funny how no one in this town is just a waiter or bartender. They are all waiter/directors and bartender/producers. I found it particularly grating how everyone is constantly selling themselves. People make fun of Jon Favreau because each of his sentences starts with "When we were making Swingers…" Now imagine spending an entire week with people like that except they keep referencing obscure D movies they were a part of that were never released or haven't even been made. It's like that guy who keeps bragging about great moments when he played intramurals in college. That reminds me of this time when I struck out 8 girls from a sorority in a slow pitch softball game. I was amazing.



4.26.2007
TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA (PT 1 of 3) //
Living in LA translates to dying slowly. At least that's how it felt when I spent this past week there. After spending 2 hours in the 5th circle of Hell (LAX) trying to track down our most expensive video equipment that they lost (when they ask you how many days you'll be in town, it's a bad sign), our cab ride to the hotel was $85 (but if we went a little further to downtown it would've only been $42 for some reason). The hotel was over-booked even though we had a reservation so we had to go somewhere else.

The beginning trip problems aside, I think the biggest soul crushing thing about the town is having to deal with people in the entertainment industry. I went on this film shoot as a production manager. It's a glorified misnomer the way exotic masseuse and lady of the night are. Basically I was just a chaperone. I handled money, reservations, releases, any problems that arise and I had to coddle the "talent." In this case it was the crew, which makes as much sense as a ball boy having his own posse.

Everyone immediately sensed that I had no experience and so for the entire week I was ignored, condescended to, and marginalized. Nothing I said was taken seriously even when it was about non-production stuff like sports or food. It was amazing the amount of self-importance everyone attributed to themselves. It also rained a lot. The trip did have a bright spot though: per diem. These are some of the meals I remember: steak, steak, steak, cheese steak, cheese steak, steak fajitas. I like steak. I wouldn't be opposed to steak in shake or yogurt form.

4.25.2007
WEEKLY DIGG //
If you want to know how to waste $8.9M on a house, check out Dwayne Wade crib. Take note of his especially fugly Spiderman themed bathroom.

Relationships require sacrifices.

Here's evolution clicking on all cylinders: Kid sneaks into croc pit and taunts it with sticks. Croc eats kid.

Japan has come out with some new jeans, but are they sexy or whore-ish? I'm going with whore-ish.

Got 5 minutes to kill? Here are a bunch of useless facts like: in Ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles? Seems to make more sense doesn't it?

These are 11 classic guy movies and why they secretly suck. They knock Top Gun on this list. I think fighter pilots should hold a press conference and demand an apology.

Oklahoma, a hot bed for intellectuals, delcares the watermelon their state vegetable.



4.18.2007
WEEKLY DIGG //
If you've seen 300 already then you'll appreciate that "This is Mushroom Kingdom!"

This cat is going in the wrong evolutionary direction.

This clothing store chain could use a little more subtlety.

Here are some side by side pictures of what fast food advertisers are trying to sell you, and what you actually get.

Who killed JFK is finally revealed?

Michael Bay strikes again. I could deal with Megatron looking like he's made out of tin foil, but Optimus Prime having lips is criminal.

Local business foils cops.



4.17.2007
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES //
Change is over-rated. Stability may be boring, but have you ever heard of anyone getting stressed out or high blood pressure from routine? This month I left my last job that I had held for the last 8 years. Being a missionary and having to raise your income isn't the most anxiety free way to make a living, but after a while you sort of get used to it. As much as I enjoyed my last job, and as much as I hate change, it was time for one.

Your 20's are like the first couple years of college. You can jack around and test drive a bunch of different majors. But when you hit 30 you find yourself asking, "is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?" Except you don't know what else you want to do. Unfortunately if you are a guy at this stage you'll find yourself feeling like a girl. You don't know what you want but you know you are not content.

I got lucky and lucked into a job that has me doing graphic design, writing, and being a part of film production. The problem is, in these areas I'm more of an enthusiast than a professional. It's like when I look at myself naked in the mirror at home and I'm comfortable in my own skin. But then when I go to waterpark and stand in line for 45 minutes without my shirt on as chicks can't help but to notice the disparity between the lifeguards and my 13 year old girl arms. My confidence isn't eactly as solid as oak. It doesn't help that they also jealously admire how naturally hairless my legs are either.



4.11.2007
WEEKLY DIGG //
Here's some WTF product packaging. Japanese: often perverted, always strange.

There's a Japanese show called Ninja Warrior where contestants navigate thru a ridiculous physcial obstacle course. Only 2 in 500 have made it including this fisherman.

A list of some of the best and worst movie battle scenes.

James Bond vs Jason Bourne. Who is more hardcore?

The internet debunks how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear.

A bad relationship as a Doom II metaphor.

Things that restaraunts won't tell you.

A 100 year old fish is caught.



4.10.2007
TICKLE ME EMO //
There are certain things that really make me worry about the state of our country like American Idol, Paris Hilton's "success," the most viewed videos on YouTube. I'm adding emo culture to my list. You know the disaffected misunderstood type: asymmetrical haircuts, blogs, Macs, MySpace pages, tight thrift store looking t-shirts that cost $60 at Urban Outfitters. Has history ever seen a generation that's cared so much with looking like they don't care? And why is everyone going to painstaking ends to be a non-conformist, just so they can be like everyone else?

I'm worried that the future of our country is in the hands of teenagers who are so self-centered and consumed with their feelings, that they are oblivious to the world around them because they can't hear over the Death Cab for Cutie or Coheed and Cambria blaring on their Ipods.

I tried it once. But I tend to go all out with everything. I overshot emo and ended up with depression. Maybe you have a little emo in yourself. If not the sentimentalities then perhaps the music or clothes. Find out what kind of emo are you.



4.03.2007
WEEKLY DIGG //

Dugg up a lot of amusing stuff this week. Enjoy.

This simple yet ingenious flash game owns my soul. I stayed up until NOON playing it. Do I have an addictive personality? Let's just say me and crack would be a bad thing. Please beat my score. Enter them in group: aotb

Questions from women that aren't really questions, and how to deal with them. If you find these sexist then obviously you're a woman.

I always use Google maps. But sometimes you might be better served forging your own route. Check out direction #20 on this route from Chicago to London.

If you don't know the answer on a test, you may as well go out in a blaze of comedic glory. I tried this on a biochem test in college. I got a 20. The curve was a 100.

Hummers: the automobile version of the penis pump gets pwned by a school bus. We need to be shipping these to Iraq instead of Mexico.

There are some things that make you want to commit bodily harm: sitting through any Ben Affleck movie, watching Eva Green in Casino Royale (HO-OT!), and office meetings. See if you can kill your virtual self in under 5 minutes.

Here are the awards for the top 10 women drivers of the year. I won't make a sexist comment because the pictures speak for themselves.

10 facts about the male vs female brain. Interesting to note that women talking is a close second on the pleasure scale behind an orgasm.

Sometimes sports are really gay. Check out the first picture especially. I have no words.

These are the top Internet April Fools gags this year.

This is the tallest and fastest rollercoaster in the world. I can already sense my anal leakage.

It's hard to talk about being responsible concerning global warming when one of your 5 private jets is a Boewing 747.

The most polluted city in the world. Where else?

Husband shoots wife's lover, wife charged. Awesome.



4.2.2007
WEDDING SEASON //
Every decade of life sees a different kind of mental breakdown. At 10 you start stealing from your mom's purse, at 20 you become political, at 40 you dye your hair and pretend you're 30, at 50 you start taking viagra, at 60 you stop caring about farting in public, and at 70 you start taking viagra again. Now at 30 it seems like what people are doing is something insane like getting married. At least all of my friends are.

Maybe it's because they've sown all of their wild oats of their twenties, maybe it's the mounting awkwardness of being seated at the free agent/misc table at weddings, maybe their religion prohibits pre-marital sex and they are about to erupt like a hormonal volcano, I dunno. All I know is that I'm getting another invitation every couple of weeks it seems.

Last weekend I went to a friends engagement party. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I know I didn't expect to have to wear a suit. Basically it was a wedding reception. It had everything except the cheesy slide show and the chicken dance. The only people I knew were my buddy getting married and his parents. At the table I was at, I sat next to "Hi, I'm a doctor" and a pretty hot chick who was speaking Chinese the entire time to the her neighbor. This bothered me for about 10 minutes. So what do you at 11:30am when you've only been awake for 45 minutes at a stuffy engagement party where everyone is a stranger? You drink lots and lots of wine. Another 10 minutes later I really didn't even care.

If you're going to make me wear a tie, sit through innane toasts that have to be translated into English, and seat me at a table where guys are busy working the girls and girls are silently judging what the other girls are wearing, then alcohol is a non-negotiable.



4.1.2007
SHOW STOPPER //
On my list of things that I have contempt for, junk mail rates slightly above reality tv and people who take their Macs to coffee shops to work on their "screenplay." But earlier this week I received an invite to be a part of a test audience for a couple of tv pilots. The dream is to one day make it to the Big Dance and get a Nielson box (I would single handedly take down American Idol with re-runs of Scrubs and BBQ University). This wasn't bad, but it was more like the NIT instead of the NCAAs.

The first show starred Jack Bauer's girlfriend and Prison Break's T-Bag. It was called "Soulmates" and the premise was that a psychiatrist hyponotizes a patient and realizes they were lovers in a past life but are now caught up in a mysterious present day conspiracy. It was like a horribly cheesy Hallmark movie. Wait, that's an exagerration. To be fair, it wasn't that good. Under additional comments I barely had time to scribble down "SUCKS BALLZ."

The second pilot was a sitcom filmed over a decade ago called "Dads." It was about cliched divorced fathers and their creepy Dakota Fanning-like precocious kids. You'd find it hilarious if you find comedy defensive driving classes hilarious. You'd also be an idiot.

I got really annoyed after it was over. I thought I was spending my Saturday night panning atrociously conceived television drek, but it was really a thinnly veiled bait-and-switch session. We spent about an hour in a directed survey about the sponsor's consumer products. I've never answered so many questions about hot cereal or toilet paper. At one point they showed us a shampoo commercial and then we had to rate how it made us feel on the spectrums of submissive-dominant, awed-important, and hopeful-despairing. I had no idea that a 30 second spot about a girl talking about conditioner held my mental health hostage. I couldn't bolt early because they wouldn't validate parking until the end.

The last question asked if I felt like I made a difference. If these shows never see the light of day and if double-ply with ridges becomes a universal standard then you have your answer.