03.30.2008
DE-EVOLUTION //
Enduring relationships go through different stages of evolving. It's gradual but there are markers that highlight the changes. The other day my dad came up for a visit. While I was sitting around the dining table talking with friends he was spastically playing with his Nintendo Wii. The next day after I bought him lunch I had to remind him to wash his hands. He then followed me around Target and watched as I picked out and bought him a new video game. The whole thing was, weird. I pray it's much longer before I have to start changing his diapers.



03.26.2008
WEEKLY DIGG //
I finally know what I've been missing by not being in a relationship.

Products only douchebags would buy.

I don't know anyone who actually clicks on Google ads, but these robotic overlords really know their demo.

To the victor go the spoils.

Can you get in anywhere if you say you're the DJ?

Mindf***.

Jackie Chan may be a clown when it comes to acting, but he is an insane stunt man.

Endangered species that aren't endangered enough.

Photoshopped to oblivion.

China is getting ready for the Olympics!

You suck at Photoshop #9.

This courageous journalist outlines why he wouldn't sleep with Tina Fey even if she asked. She didn't, but still.

I mean I love my Xbox but, damn.

I know kids love their MySpace but, damn.



03.24.2008
A THIN LINE //
I am a person who doesn't get angry very often. It's probably because I'm psychotic about control. I mean I do get frustrated- professionally, intellectually, sexually. But few things get me homicidally upset. Injustice is one. Oppression, abuse, getting cut off on the road are all things that make me want to well, oppress, abuse and cut someone off. Everyone should feel that way. It's normal.

What doesn't seem normal is that sports make me feel almost the same way. There was a time when the source was the Rockets, the Astros and the Oilers. But after decades of heartache I've grown numb to the disappointment; like marriage. But in the last 10 years the Longhorns have turned me into the clown from Saw. I live and die on every possession and play. It seems irrational because I'm even furious when we win because the quality of the win wasn't good enough. So we are in the middle of March Madness and the second seeded Horns blew a 17 point lead and clung on to dear life against Miami. There is a very real chance that when they get knocked out I will murder someone or throw something through my tv. God I hope I don't hurt my tv.



03.19.2008
WEEKLY DIGG //
Woman stays on toilet for 2 years. Must have been one helluva article.

Geronimo!

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, I see a story like this and it really puts things in perspective.

If you wanted to see what the 7 diamond fuss was all about.

I'm really starting to see the appeal of Scientology.

Face plant? Here's a face slide.

Truth in bumper stickers.

Effective internet advertising.

You call that a floppy disk? This is a floppy disk.

Worried about your dog shedding in your car? Not anymore.

Dancing walrus. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Video game pitch meeting circa 1979.

During a SWAT raid, cop shoots and kills mother holding her baby. Gets the book thrown at him (2 misdemeanor charges).



03.16.2008
CHA CHA //
I have a new addiction called ChaCha. It's a free service where you can text in any question via your phone from "Tell me about Rabbi Tzri Ben Goldstein's daughter's wedding" to "How do you wipe your ass?" Well I'm the guy on the other end who looks up the answer on the internet at 20 cents a pop.

Do I do it for the crazy bank I'm making? When I think about how many questions at 4am I've answered about kissing it took to equal an $80 meat cleaver I bought, my answer is a tearful 'no.' I'm trying to catch my friends who have a couple thousand search lead on me. But all of this has come at a price: it's really eaten into my video game time. I'm living what you'd call the rock star life. Only the exact opposite.



03.12.2008
WEEKLY DIGG //
Must drink more whiskey just like dad.

Russia. It's the new China.

People look for God in the sun. Go blind.

It's about time for this bed upgrade.

These cats are ballsy or illiterate.

Chinese cat death camps. I is scared.

You'll call me right?

You suck at photoshop #8.

Cops face their worst fear: accountability.



03.07.2008
Rx EFFECTS //
Everyone has their different indulgences like shopping, watching tv, porn. And each one of them can carry a consequence: credit card debt, vericose veins, divorce. Mine is prescriptions drugs. Even though I've put about 300,000 miles on my liver in the last 5 years I can't help it, they're just so yummy. I usually don't give much thought about taking them. But my latest med, Cymbalta, was making me feel really weird in a bunch of different ways so I read the literature on it. Side effects include: nausea, dry mouth, dizziness, profuse sweating, vomiting, decreased appetite, fatigue, heart palpitations, insomnia, constipation, blurred vision, bizarre dreams, inability to orgasm, and it wouldn't be a prescription drug if it didn't include ED.

I won't tell you which 10 of the side effects I've been experiencing, but I will say that I stopped taking the colon cleanser because I suspected it may have been the culprit. I didn't crap for 3 days. But what I finally birthed was so dense that it had it's own gravitational pull.



03.05.2008
WEEKLY DIGG //
You know you're a redneck if...

Parents teach a present-peeking kid a lesson by punking him with emotional scars.

Hello Kitty.

Roommate prank goes Signs goes totally awesome.

The tourist tax.

Thank God for the instructions.

The gruesome origins behind popular fairy tales.

This story warms my heart. I love how his lawyer says it's ridiculous to expect his client to work for a living.




03.03.2008
LIGHT WEIGHT //
A few people were interested in how the colon cleansing treatment was going. It's been a little rough. My backdoor has been a kind of raw. I guess I know what it would be like if I ever to prison now. While staying on my same diet but I've lost over 5lbs in just crap. I've officially gone from size mens-petite to boys-husky. I'm still waiting to drop an alien turd, but I'm still surprised every time I get up from a dump and take a look. With all of the bizarre shapes and colors, it's literally "weird shit."