“But curb thou the high spirit in thy breast, for gentle ways are best, and keep aloof from sharp contentions.” -Homer

“Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who’ll get the blame.” -Bertrand Russell

“The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear – fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable.  What he wants above everything else is safety.” -Henry Mencken

My 20 year old cousin has been staying with us in Hong Kong. I had this exchange with her the other night:

Me: So do you keep in touch with your cousin?

Her: Not really. Only when I’m in Hong Kong. She’s thirtysomething. I don’t think she even has a facebook page.

Me: Thirtysomething?

Her: Yeah that’s old.

Me: I’m thirtysomething.

Her: I know. You’re old.

Me: (sobbing quietly in the bathroom)

I stuck my head out the window and snapped this before taking a wizz (with a little tilt shift magic).

Made from 100% synthetic non-bio-degradable materials.

perfect for iPad owners

It’s not just in America where every Chinese restaurant has the word Hunan, Dynasty, Jade, Panda, or Garden in their name (I’m convinced they create the names Mad Libs style the same way movie critics describe films). I’m sure the actual Chinese names of the places I’ve seen here are little more exotic and creative, but the English translations are pretty straight forward. I’m talking my parents telling me why I’m jobless and unmarried straight forward. I took a couple shots of some local shops right downstairs where I eat breakfast.

or God eats a tea cup piglet

because sitting down will make you think of your impending diarrhea

My first official sponsorship

When I first came to Hong Kong in 1983 it was like entering a Chinese restaurant through the kitchen, or rather what China looks like today- a giant outdoor public restroom. Old people hock phlegm as naturally as they breathe and complain. My mom thought my grandfather would never stop spitting on the ground “because he is old and set in his ways.” Two fines later and it hasn’t been an issue in twenty years. I snapped this pic downstairs. I wish way back then there was a sign that said, “Please don’t hold your children over the trashcan while they take a dump.” At least it wasn’t like India last year when they just passed laws saying you couldn’t crap in the street.

Don’t let the terrorists win says single snot tear

Here is a leaked photo from the set of the new Predators movie.

“Hmm, I knew I should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”