“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” -Mark Twain

“The love of glory, the fear of disgrace, the incentive to succeed, the desire to live in comfort, and the instinct to humiliate others are often the cause of that courage so renowned among men”  -François de la Rochefoucauld

Unlearn all that you have learned. Everything that you knew to be real is fake- tv, movies, the moon landing, H1N1, breasts.  The only thing that you can trust is that you will grow old and you will die…and you look utterly ridiculous singing in the car.

“Welcome to the 24 hour sh** cycle.”

“1-2-3-4 let’s have a t-shirt war.”

“It’s a brand new world.”

This was made by one dude and is 100% CGI. Why can’t Lost hire this guy to do their MS Paint sfx?

Please please redeem the part of my childhood that Michael Bay shat on.

Two pieces of anecdotal evidence.

1. Cincinnati  WR Chris Henry got into an argument with his fiancee while he was in town planning their wedding together. They get into a fight and she tries to drive off in a truck. He chases after and jumps into the truck bed. Woman behind the wheel leads to him flying out. Cops find him dying on the side of the rode because she drove off.

2. One of Tiger’s floozies gets on Good America and talks about their relationship and rough sex among other things. Why? Because she felt betrayed that he had other women in his life. Colbert breaks it down.

Moral of the story: Women are insane.