When I first came to Hong Kong in 1983 it was like entering a Chinese restaurant through the kitchen, or rather what China looks like today- a giant outdoor public restroom. Old people hock phlegm as naturally as they breathe and complain. My mom thought my grandfather would never stop spitting on the ground “because he is old and set in his ways.” Two fines later and it hasn’t been an issue in twenty years. I snapped this pic downstairs. I wish way back then there was a sign that said, “Please don’t hold your children over the trashcan while they take a dump.” At least it wasn’t like India last year when they just passed laws saying you couldn’t crap in the street.

Don’t let the terrorists win says single snot tear

I’ve been in Hong Kong for a week now, or as my mom calls it, “the city that never dies”. (She also refers to David Beckham as “that batman guy who married the spicy girl.) I’m eating well, I talk to talk people with my mouth, I get out, and I even wear a shirt everyday. It’s like I’m employed again. It’s a great city.  The pace of life is so much faster than my couch. Living above a shopping mall is interesting because it’s like watching the seasons change with stores going in and out of business. I should really open up a business that exclusively makes “FINAL SALE 90% OFF” signs.

The part of town I’m in is sort of the Boca Raton of Hong Kong. I went to a banquet the other night and I think my mom was the youngest by three decades. To them I’m sure they are thinking that they have farts older than me. I asked my grandfather how old he thought I was.

21? (more) 24? (more) 27? (more) 28? (more) 29? (more) 30? (more)…. 21?

Introducing the vampire tampon for all of those South Africans who want to get their rape on.

Take my kids…please.

Is the meter maid the worst kind of fake cop? I got a ticket for being 7 minutes lates. This must break a record for douchey-efficiency.

Under the hood of an iPad.

“Carry along. I don’t mind a little smoke anyhow.”

An example of free market one-upmanship.

Here is a leaked photo from the set of the new Predators movie.

“Welcome to the 24 hour sh** cycle.”

The 12 biggest rip offs in America.

Ladies, really?

A trailer for every Academy Award winning movie ever.

Walmart weddings

How to get youtube to film you?

Translating ladies’ excuses for being single.

Parenting fails

Breaking down online dating.

I think I’ll be eating my pancakes plain from now on.

Elephant vs croc

Cat breaking the sound barrier.

“Hmm, I knew I should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque.”

“It’s good to be the king.”

“1-2-3-4 let’s have a t-shirt war.”