Guitar Hero 3 // Xbox 360
Sharpen your axes

// The skinny: Become a rock god as you strum and thrash to classic, alt, and modern rock songs in this wildly addictive rhythm game.

// Review: For some reason men find that women are intricately complicated mysteries. And that's the real mystery to me. You want chicks? Easy. Then you want to play the guitar. I'm not talking about the dangerous-as-week-old-puppies accoustic crap. That my friend is for pussies. You want to rock out on electric glory whose mere verberations will melt lesser mens' faces and inpregnate unprotected virgins.

/ The genius of this game is the controller. It's of course shaped like a guitar. As different notes (up to 5 different colors) rain down the screen you have to press and strum in synch ala Dance Dance Revolution. For advanced skill levels you need to employ hammer downs and lift offs. I totally don't know what that means but I just got a dozen MySpace dates just mentioning it. There is even a whammy bar you can bang on to complete the mastabatory phallic imagery.

/ This third version sports the best sound track of the other versions (read: less crap songs, more master tracks). Be warned, this game will suck you in. Just one more song, becomes just one more song until you are popping ibuprofen like tic tacs from the carpal tunnel. A few great modes are the options to play back up to lead guitar and it's now online. They have added a battle mode where you can acquire Mario Kart-esque power ups to jack your opponent. It's lame though.

/ One final note is that this game exponentially gets ridiculously harder. You should breeze though easy and medium, but hard is hard and expert will make you want to trash your room in frustration just like a real rock star. You need to check this kid out. I want to give him a high five and punch him in his undropped gonads at the same time.

// Wrap up: It won't make you sweat like DDR, but it also won't have your neighbors pounding on your door. This game is for everyone who dreams of the glory of shredding like a rock star, but doesn't have any talent. That means this game is for you.

Entertainment rating: 5